would you ever let your Wife or girlfriend go out by herself?

[nothermark]

@ Sluggie, No worries
he car camps with me at campgrounds as he is disabled and can't hike anymore. hell he has a hard time walking in the back woods with the dogs!

@Hawkeye, I am going to check that out! I didn't even know about PLB's, did a quick search and saw that I can rent or buy one for under $200. That is allot $$ but then again it is the one piece of gear no one should be with out! and I think That just might help my situation.

On one hand I was laughing at the "let" question. Similar to several other men here I don't see it as an option. Plead maybe, permission not optional. On the other hand PLB's like the SPOT, GPS, and cell phones have introduced new levels of safety for back country folks.

If you look around there was a thread on Whiteblaze about what you are asking about. Sorry, I do not remember the name of the thread. It would be worth showing him if you find it. As I recall a lot of frustrated women venting about him messing with her hiking. If he is worried about the two of you he is playing with a ticking bomb not "letting" you go.

I looked at your location to see where you hiked. If you have not done so you might find it worth checking out the ADK. The chapter news is available though the main web site. Pick any location off the map:

http://www.adk.org/chapters/index.aspx

AFAIK they welcome anybody on their trips. Genesee Valley and Albany used to be the two largest and busiest chapters. GV has an active women only hiking group. Schedules are on line under the various chapters. Call the trip leader if you are interested and you will be able to get a sense of the trip and whether or not you are interested.
Point is there are group trips available if you look that will welcome you. The bigger problem will be relative skill/fitness expectations. That's where trip leaders come in.
When I traveled in those circles a group of 5 was maybe a couple and 3 singles or 5 singles operating as a group. You are relatively on your own but with backup if needed. Do a couple of those and it might help defray buying goodies as well as let him understand you can operate on your own.

[Crawldaddy]

just like any human being, 90% of your safety is being aware of your surroundings. the other 10% is having an 'equalizer'

[Hawk-eye]

@Hawkeye, I am going to check that out! I didn't even know about PLB's, did a quick search and saw that I can rent or buy one for under $200. That is allot $$ but then again it is the one piece of gear no one should be with out! and I think That just might help my situation.

There are several out there but the one I've got now and I highly reccmd. is the ResQLink which is a 4.6 oz and unlike the semi-capable SPOT system ... is a real GPS positioning, 406 MHz signal, and 121.5 MHz homing device. It will get a signal out and it will get you rescued. And this model is less than $300 bucks!

It's just natural for a family member ... husband, wife, father, mother ... to worry about a love one. Heck I'm 57 years old and my mother still worries about me being in the woods by myself much less working overseas. It's just natural to worry about those you love.

[gargoyle]

Safety- Anything can happen, anywhere..trail or at home, in the city, wherever.

Freedom-My wife takes mission trips to less than savory locales. Adults make that decision. No matter male or female. We all take risks.

[CrackMunk]

just like any human being, 90% of your safety is being aware of your surroundings. the other 10% is having an 'equalizer'

YES!

I've tried the cell phone deal on group trips and he has gotten wise to it not working out in the woods
I do know how to make a fire (with out lighter or matches) I have taken a first aid class (lifeguard for 5yr) My thing is I'm only going to be gone 1-2 nights basically car camping (short hike) at a primitive site. and as some have said I NEED to get out.

I think WV also gave me a solution, that if I take Mo, my rottie on a quick overnight to the local state park (10min from house) to see if he would be good camping by myself might help. And mind you just like any rottie he's a big pansy and would be used just for show!

It's just nice to get away by yourself and recharge at your own pace with out having to think of others.

Thank you everyone for all the comments and advice. I've have some new info now and a new insight. I know he doesn't want to hold me back and its mainly about my safety cus that's what he tells me. I am a grown woman and can take care of my self in the woods better then in the big city (they scare me LOL) I think it's 90% safety and 10% jealousies that he can't do the same things with me anymore. with out going into it in the last 4-5 yrs he went from a active 50yr to a 55 yr old in a 70 yr old body.

I just want him not to worry so much. trying to make his life a little easier while still living mine while I have time.

[Rain Man]

So would you ever let your girl go out by herself?

CrackMunk, I have no idea what your relationship with anyone is, so I'm not commenting on your relationship!

But in general I am extra-sensitive to such red flags, in part because my daughter is an attorney and represents victims of domestic violence. Often, my attitude was "why don't they just leave the jerk?"

The answer sometimes seems to boil down to concepts such as your question inadvertently expressed,-- which many, many people default to,-- those of ownership (YOUR girl) and control (LET).

And yes, "I'm doing it for your own good" often is an excuse. So, please forgive those of us who cringe at the word "let" and even me for cringing at the words "your girl."

Here's hoping you have a great hike and that "your guy" will "let" you go ... and also that he will "let go" of some of his fears!

Rain Man

.

[Lepmeister]

Coming in late here, and it sounds like you have got some great feedback on your question. I was just reading this thread thinking how special a place this is; that you feel comfortable in discussing what must be a challenging situation.

[Ramblinrev]

I just want him not to worry so much. trying to make his life a little easier while still living mine while I have time.

I added the emphasis to call attention to that phrase. Therein lies your dilemma. _You_ can do nothing about _his_ worry. He gets _something_ out of the worry and will continue to do so no matter what you do. His worry is _his_ problem not yours. While it is understandable that you would like to resolve that, it will not be resolved until _he_ decides his worry is pointless.

Note: I am not referring to "concern". Concern is healthy on both sides. Can you handle what you can reasonably expect? That's appropriate concern. Worry is destructive. But it is _his_ choice to worry. Your actions do not cause him to make that choice.

Car camping at a primitive campsite? Hokey smokes... not to diminish anything but I thought you were talking about backpacking in to the wilds.

Now.. having said that... being a 60 y/o gimp I have dealt with my share of self esteem loss over things I used to do. It does hurt. _I_ drive. Unless I am too tired or sick to drive safely. My daughter hates it. She wants to drive and I finally had to tell her.. "There are so many things I _can't_ do any more that I want to hold on to the things that I can." She understood and that has released a lot of tension. It may be that more than 10% of this is "jealousy" although that may be too strong a word. Nothing you can do about that. My daughter has been gracious enough to yield the driving to me. But she gets plenty of time to drive herself. My wife is perfectly fine with being a passenger no matter who is driving so my daughter has her outlet.

Don't try to take away his choices to be miserable. It won't work. If he chooses to worry despite all reasonable precautions so be it. He's a big boy and can make his own decisions. It sounds like you are more than capable to manage the situation. You may just have to say... It's your choice to worry! So have fun and enjoy your choice. I'll see you on Monday.

[ShadowAlpha]

She is a city girl, she goes to NYC all the time by herself.

that is a survival skill on its own!

[canoebie]

As I get older I realize the increased hazards of solo hiking and paddling. I also realize how meaningful they are. Life is about choices and balance. I don't pretend to offer any particular insight, as much has been offered. It does seem that at times, at least in my life, none of the options that present themselves are perfect. If an option seems perfect, I am often leary of it.

Whatever decision you make, make it in a way that you both can own it fully and be supportive, understanding that it can not be perfect for either of you. That is the art of compromise and consensus, valuable tools and lessons in life and marriage.