Question for the through hikers

[guySmiley]

So I have this, um friend, that's seriously thinking he'd like to attempt to do a long through hike, (probably the PCT) but he's VERY unsure about how to break it to his fiance that he wants to do this thing in way that she might allow it to happen.

Does anyone have advice for me... I mean... my friend?

[SmokeHouse]

Tell her straight up... She is going to find out anyway.

[Coffee]

well warn your friend if he does his he will never be through hiking. Only biding time until his next thru hike. Didn't fully understand that until recently. Once you get a taste for it and the feeling. No day or week hike will ever come close to it. It's a very good thing, but something I thought I would pass along.

Best option is have your friend invite her along. If they can make it through that they will make it through anything.

Second best have him talk to it how important it is to him. Have him let her know that she will always be important and this is not a way to get away from her. One thing to remember is that when he goes on a 6 month vacation to do some great things, she will still be in the daily grind doing the normal things. Only sans him. He needs to take that into account. Not a show stopper, just need to realize it effects her a lot.

Have him get her on a couple hikes. Get her involved with the planning and support from home in mail drops. A lot of those to be had. When she see's the joy hiking brings him, she should ge the picture.

I was dating a girl for an extended time when I started my AT hike planning. I was lucky and she understood this was something that I had to do.

[Cannibal]

Same way you...errr, your friend should break it to family; honestly and with a request for help. If you can make them involved in your journey it helps them get excited. Humans like to be depended on (even those that claim otherwise; like me) and if you make them (her) involved with your trip, they feel value.

I learned this very early on and it's funny because the folks I involved in the planning and logistics got almost as excited as I was about the hike. To the point that they were reading the books and sending me emails about "Be sure you go to such and such town, I hear they have a great Mexican restaurant".

Keeping them involved is even more important. It's easy for the ones left behind to feel exactly that, "left behind". Schedule a few days to meet them at some point on your hike; they love that! Have them send you mail drops (even if you don't need them). It gives them the opportunity to be involved and if you're really lucky...they'll send Twinkies in your drops. Yummm.:drool:

[Coffee]

Same way you...errr, your friend should break it to family; honestly and with a request for help. If you can make them involved in your journey it helps them get excited. Humans like to be depended on (even those that claim otherwise; like me) and if you make them (her) involved with your trip, they feel value.

I learned this very early on and it's funny because the folks I involved in the planning and logistics got almost as excited as I was about the hike. To the point that they were reading the books and sending me emails about "Be sure you go to such and such town, I hear they have a great Mexican restaurant".

Keeping them involved is even more important. It's easy for the ones left behind to feel exactly that, "left behind". Schedule a few days to meet them at some point on your hike; they love that! Have them send you mail drops (even if you don't need them). It gives them the opportunity to be involved and if you're really lucky...they'll send Twinkies in your drops. Yummm.:drool:


Yeah my parents joined me over Thanks Giving. One of my favorite memories of the trail. Everyone loved the Trail Journal and helping me with packages from home when needed.

Just have sure they realize you have to eat or carry everything they sent. The care packages get really heavy really fast.

[capref123]

Just tell her you ARE going...remember, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission!

[east_stingray]

...in way that she might allow it to happen.

Does anyone have advice for me... I mean... my friend?

Seriously? I have some advice concerning the above. Controlling your life before you're even married? Think long and hard about that one.

Unless, of course, that was tongue-in-cheek. In which case, nothing to see here.

[guySmiley]

OK, I'm going to drop the my friend pretense, I can see that the joke'll get old after a while. :)

I wasn't at all thinking of being dishonest about it. Just about the way to initially bring it up. Also what honest way is most likely to bring the desired response?

Has anyone gotten a distinctly negative response from a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend?

This occurs to me because I was watching a youTube video about the PCT yesterday, and one hiker was talking about he was having the time of his despite having to give his dogs away, his wife divorcing him and his house being foreclosed on.

I want to do this, but I don't want to be in that guys situation.

[guySmiley]

Seriously? I have some advice concerning the above. Controlling your life before you're even married? Think long and hard about that one.

Unless, of course, that was tongue-in-cheek. In which case, nothing to see here.

She's been my fiance for about 15 years. She's earned the right to exercise some control. :)

It was meant a little tongue in cheek though.

[Cannibal]

15 years?! She will/should understand your desires if that is the case. She should also be secure enough in your relationship to be open to the discussion. Honestly, she'll probably enjoy the downtime for a little while.

Go get one of the PCT videos and watch it with her. Tell her it's something that you would really like to do and you'd like her blessings. Forget the 'beg forgiveness' bit; that don't work so good on the ladies. :confused:

[Cannibal]

Has anyone gotten a distinctly negative response from a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend?
Grandma, and she is still not happy about it. :rolleyes:
Girlfriend liked the idea so much she came out and joined me for a little over 400 miles. That's a topic in and of itself. :D

[Coffee]

OK, I'm going to drop the my friend pretense, I can see that the joke'll get old after a while. :)

I wasn't at all thinking of being dishonest about it. Just about the way to initially bring it up. Also what honest way is most likely to bring the desired response?

Has anyone gotten a distinctly negative response from a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend?

This occurs to me because I was watching a youTube video about the PCT yesterday, and one hiker was talking about he was having the time of his despite having to give his dogs away, his wife divorcing him and his house being foreclosed on.

I want to do this, but I don't want to be in that guys situation.

Negative. Oh yeah, everyone does. It's always from the family until they understand a little. The key is telling them. Send them some TJ, watch a movie with them. Tell them it isn't an expedition and you don't need a gun (my personal favorite question). Oh and you won't have to hunt and fish for your food.

[Take-a-knee]

Listen Dude, you need to go hiking. I enlisted in the Army for four years after high school. I hated nearly every **** day of it, except for the ones where I wasn't on duty 'cause I was hiking and fishing in ALASKA. I rotated back to the states, volunteered for airborne training and the 82nd Airborne. My goal was Special Forces. To make a long story short I made it through Airborne School and got drafted to work there. I found out there was a Special Forces Reserve unit nearby that would take me after I finished my hitch. I signed up. and two years later made it through the SF Qual Course. In the interim I met my wife and married her. She was okay with the reserve gig even though I was gone a lot with that. Two different times I went to a recruiter and started the paperwork to go back active duty, I was SF qualified and would have gone straight to an A-Team, that had been my goal for a decade. Both times I let my crying, sobbing wife talk me out of it. I finished my reserve/guard carreer, always knowing I never did what I truly wanted to do. Now it is way too late, I'm too old.

GO HIKING!

[east_stingray]

You guys are providing me with even more compelling reasons to not marry.

[Coffee]

You guys are providing me with even more compelling reasons to not marry.

Having the opposite effect on me. Makes me want to make sure I have the right one.

[guySmiley]

Listen Dude, you need to go hiking. I enlisted in the Army for four years after high school. I hated nearly every **** day of it, except for the ones where I wasn't on duty 'cause I was hiking and fishing in ALASKA. I rotated back to the states, volunteered for airborne training and the 82nd Airborne. My goal was Special Forces. To make a long story short I made it through Airborne School and got drafted to work there. I found out there was a Special Forces Reserve unit nearby that would take me after I finished my hitch. I signed up. and two years later made it through the SF Qual Course. In the interim I met my wife and married her. She was okay with the reserve gig even though I was gone a lot with that. Two different times I went to a recruiter and started the paperwork to go back active duty, I was SF qualified and would have gone straight to an A-Team, that had been my goal for a decade. Both times I let my crying, sobbing wife talk me out of it. I finished my reserve/guard carreer, always knowing I never did what I truly wanted to do. Now it is way too late, I'm too old.

GO HIKING!

Your advice is noted and being taken into serious consideration.

Thanks to everyone.

[canoebie]

Whenever I have wanted to do something that involved transition, including ending a marriage, changing careers (several times) or beginning a new relationship, or taking a summer to canoe, I have always asked and answered the question: "Am I trying to just leave something, or do I have something I want to go to?" When I was able to articulate what it was I was going to and able to share that with those significant to me, my life was filled with joy and support. Likewise, when I was able to articulate what it was I was trying to leave, I was more able to effectively deal with it and move on to the joy and fun part of life.

Thoughts become things. I firmly believe that. When we focus on things, dreams, hopes; they become real in our lives. When we focus negative energy on those things we attempt to extinguish, they too become real and a central focus of our being. Best I can humbly offer, is to share the dream, the joy of what you are going to. As others have said, then significant others in your life are involved in your exhuberance. That's why everyone gets excited when a kid hits a home run in T-ball. We are all as little children.

I am convinced that is why spending time outdoors is important. It keeps us filled with wonder and awe as if we were kids. Becoming "adult" has the potential to numb us, meeting demands and expectations of society can dull our senses, cause us to focus on the mundane and those things which ultimately have little meaning due to some sense of obligation.

When I am paddling down the river I have a real sense of being totally in the here and now. I am in the experience. I have no concern for the past or the future, I am absorbed by the senses of sight, sound, and smell. Everything is heightened yet relaxed. It is like nothing else that I do, it rests my mind, enlivens my soul. I share that with my wife, my children, my friends. They understand the importance of it to me.

Enough rambling. I could go on and on about this. Connect with all that is good for you about this, articulate it to yourself, write it down. Then share your exhuberance and joy with others. Tell them what you are going to. If you are merely escaping from something, articulate that, deal with it. Then move on to what it is you are going to. Most of all, have fun!!!!!!!!

[guySmiley]

Whenever I have wanted to do something that involved transition, including ending a marriage, changing careers (several times) or beginning a new relationship, or taking a summer to canoe, I have always asked and answered the question: "Am I trying to just leave something, or do I have something I want to go to?" When I was able to articulate what it was I was going to and able to share that with those significant to me, my life was filled with joy and support. Likewise, when I was able to articulate what it was I was trying to leave, I was more able to effectively deal with it and move on to the joy and fun part of life.

Thoughts become things. I firmly believe that. When we focus on things, dreams, hopes; they become real in our lives. When we focus negative energy on those things we attempt to extinguish, they too become real and a central focus of our being. Best I can humbly offer, is to share the dream, the joy of what you are going to. As others have said, then significant others in your life are involved in your exhuberance. That's why everyone gets excited when a kid hits a home run in T-ball. We are all as little children.

I am convinced that is why spending time outdoors is important. It keeps us filled with wonder and awe as if we were kids. Becoming "adult" has the potential to numb us, meeting demands and expectations of society can dull our senses, cause us to focus on the mundane and those things which ultimately have little meaning due to some sense of obligation.

When I am paddling down the river I have a real sense of being totally in the here and now. I am in the experience. I have no concern for the past or the future, I am absorbed by the senses of sight, sound, and smell. Everything is heightened yet relaxed. It is like nothing else that I do, it rests my mind, enlivens my soul. I share that with my wife, my children, my friends. They understand the importance of it to me.

Enough rambling. I could go on and on about this. Connect with all that is good for you about this, articulate it to yourself, write it down. Then share your exhuberance and joy with others. Tell them what you are going to. If you are merely escaping from something, articulate that, deal with it. Then move on to what it is you are going to. Most of all, have fun!!!!!!!!

For me, although I have to admit, there is a escapism aspect in my desire to do something like this (I work in a cube farm, doing work of little significance) the main reason is taking on a personal challenge. It's something that I've been missing ever since I gave up on some other big life goals (I'm not crying about those though. I made the right decision there, but I need something to replace them.)

So for me it's both, I'd be escaping an unfulfilling career, while taking on a life changing challenge.

[canoebie]

For me, although I have to admit, there is a escapism aspect in my desire to do something like this (I work in a cube farm, doing work of little significance) the main reason is taking on a personal challenge. It's something that I've been missing ever since I gave up on some other big life goals (I'm not crying about those though. I made the right decision there, but I need something to replace them.)

So for me it's both, I'd be escaping an unfulfilling career, while taking on a life changing challenge.


Perhaps, and this is a very friendly and warm suggestion, a more relevant life changing challenge is to find and pursue a meaningful career. Then take the hike!!!! You will enjoy the hike a whole lot more.

[Coffee]

There is a lot more anxiety and stress during a hike, more towards the end and after, with not having a plan or something to come back to. Mine fell appart but worked out another way. Other people didn't and had a are time adjusting afterwards.

My advice would mirror canoebie. Have a return plan or idea setup before you leave.

[Cannibal]

I'm not sure what advise I would give for post-hike planning. I firmly believe that not having a plan was part of what made me enjoy my time so much. It was one less demon to deal with out there after collecting a lifetime of other demons to ponder. OTOH, it is part of the reason I had to stop in Vermont and not finish. With my budget dwindling and no sure plan for the future, I made the 'grown-up' decision to leave the Trail so that I had the resources to start civilized life anew. Turned-out I got a job very quickly and was pushed right back into the grind.

Either way, I believe that the first few months following the end of anybody's hike is going to be difficult and in many ways, painful. There is a joy and a real feeling of freedom being out there. That feeling is almost violently stripped away upon return to the 'real' world. For me, it was not a pleasant side-effect. It's been 14 months since I stepped on Springer; still isn't a day that goes by without a feeling of loss. The desire to be on the Trail (any Trail) is just as strong today as it was in Feb. of 2008.

I heard it a million times before my hike that I needed to prepare for the post-hike emotional roller-coaster, but it wasn't until I was riding the roller-coaster that I had even the slightest of clues of just how confusing that ride would be for me. A thru-hike is a dangerous thing, a liberating thing, and (at times) a frightening thing. Is it worth it? That's up to you. For me, absolutely; every single step!

[Coffee]

I'm not sure what advise I would give for post-hike planning. I firmly believe that not having a plan was part of what made me enjoy my time so much. It was one less demon to deal with out there after collecting a lifetime of other demons to ponder. OTOH, it is part of the reason I had to stop in Vermont and not finish. With my budget dwindling and no sure plan for the future, I made the 'grown-up' decision to leave the Trail so that I had the resources to start civilized life anew. Turned-out I got a job very quickly and was pushed right back into the grind.

Either way, I believe that the first few months following the end of anybody's hike is going to be difficult and in many ways, painful. There is a joy and a real feeling of freedom being out there. That feeling is almost violently stripped away upon return to the 'real' world. For me, it was not a pleasant side-effect. It's been 14 months since I stepped on Springer; still isn't a day that goes by without a feeling of loss. The desire to be on the Trail (any Trail) is just as strong today as it was in Feb. of 2008.

I heard it a million times before my hike that I needed to prepare for the post-hike emotional roller-coaster, but it wasn't until I was riding the roller-coaster that I had even the slightest of clues of just how confusing that ride would be for me. A thru-hike is a dangerous thing, a liberating thing, and (at times) a frightening thing. Is it worth it? That's up to you. For me, absolutely; every single step!

I want to tell you it gets better, but it doesn't.

You have the ultimite freedom when you are hiking. No deadlines, no job, no where to do, no one else to answer to. You can do nothing all day or you can do everything. Everything you do is completely up to you.

Then there are the countless daily surreal experiences that you never could picture happening or never will forget. Then throw in the truely amazing people you meet along the way.

I also wouldn't trade any of it and will do it again. But like our friend Canibal said, you need to make the grown up decisions too and make sure its the right time and other things are in order.

Another tidbit before I get off the soapbox is if you do have major things on your mind. You can't hike to get away from them. You are alone in your thoughts a lot, a whole lot, on a thru.

[dallas]

So I have this, um friend, that's seriously thinking he'd like to attempt to do a long through hike, (probably the PCT) but he's VERY unsure about how to break it to his fiance that he wants to do this thing in way that she might allow it to happen.


Also, be prepared that the answer might be 'no'.
In that case you have some deciding to do.

Not going causes resentment.
Going anyway will certainly take away some of the joy of the hike.

It all depends on what kind of person your fiance is and what kind of relationship you have.

Best wishes. I truly hope you get "fantastic! how can I help?".

[Doctari]

I agree with all the "Get her to help you plan & etc." suggestions.

I didn't get my wife involved in my first long hike (66.6 miles, which was nearly 10x as long as any previous trip). I so paid for it. Now, she helps me get my stuff ready, we figure out where / when I'll hike & she even shops for pack food as the day gets closer. She has gone from "I hate you (for hiking)" to "When is your next hike?!?!" She now is my shuttle to the AT & home. Which makes the trip there & back so much better.
Hint: have your SO's best friend live on the other side of your intended trail from where you live, so you can say: "Hey, Ann is only a 3 hr drive past where I am starting / stopping my hike. Why don't you go visit her for a few weeks while I hike." The nearly bad side effect is that she almost didn't want to come get me & end her visit. :shades:

Oh yea, when she comes to visit you, pick a hotel / motel that a "normal" would like to stay at, not one sutable for hikers. I said about the motel in Atkins "Nice place*!" her response was "EWWWWWW! WE ARE NOT STAYING HERE ARE WE! THIS PLACE IS NASTY!!!!" Yes, the punctuation is correct.
We stayed, 1 year ago tomorrow, she is still complaining about it.



*The motel had: a shower, flush toilet. And: food nearby. I was happy.

[attroll]

You cannot head out and expect to do a thru hike with a lot on your mind. Just like our friend here Coffee said “You are alone in your thoughts a lot, a whole lot, on a thru”. Meaning if you go out there worry about things it is only going to get worst and not better. You need to go out there knowing that you are 100% sure you fiancé is going to be alright without you, she will not stray or anything else that might be there to worry about. If you go out there with any worries about the home front then you will end up getting off the trail before you complete it. You have too much time on your hands to think about all these worries and it will just escalate in your mind. You are alone with your thoughts.

[guySmiley]

Perhaps, and this is a very friendly and warm suggestion, a more relevant life changing challenge is to find and pursue a meaningful career. Then take the hike!!!! You will enjoy the hike a whole lot more.

Believe me, I've considered a career switch, but for various reasons, it would be an unwise move for me. It's not a bad job, as a matter of fact, the place itself is probably one of the best places in Minneapolis to work at. It's just never been my life's ambition to move pixels around until I retire, go crazy, or get a repetitive stress injury.

I long ago came to the conclusion that getting a job that has intrinsic rewards that makes you actually happy to be there are much fewer and farther between than most people are willing to tell their teenagers. From my observation, for every 1 person who really loves what they do, there's probably 10 people that hate what they do (or are at least ambivalent), but they carry on out of necessity and then there's probably 30 more that would just be happy for any job.

Put simply, I don't let what I do for a living define me, it's what I do outside of that time that does that.

This is getting too much like career counseling!

My point with all that is the escapism component for me wanting to do a long hike is actually a minor one. It's much more the challenge of it that I find enticing. Now that I think about it, maybe some serious time away will either make me appreciate what I've got more, or maybe it will put me in the frame of mind to pursue something more fulfilling career-wise, either case strikes me as a positive thing.

[Cannibal]

guySmiley-
Others will disagree with me, but I don't think there is a wrong reason to do a long hike. Yes, there are things that will distract you more than others and maybe even cause you to leave the Trail and go home. If that's the case, then the purpose is still served; you discovered what you needed to discover, that the time isn't right. No worries. In a very small way, I'm glad I didn't summit. I have justification (in my mind) to do it again someday.

The only risk is regret and that river flows in both directions.

BTW, your reasons for doing a long hike will change several times before, during, and after. ;)

[trigger hurt]

I get strange looks when I tell my family that I'm just going for a walk in the woods.

My uncle and mother are understanding of my desire to disconnect myself from the rest of the world and sit in silence for a while. Everyone else thinks I'm nuts.

If I were to tell them that I intended to make a 2000+ mile thru hike, they'd have me committed.

[guySmiley]

WooHoo! I just got the go ahead! Work is giving me a leave of absence, so I don't need to quit and worry about what I'm going to be doing for a living when I get done!

I love it when a plan comes together!

Thanks everyone who responded to this thread!

Now the real planning starts....

[attroll]

WooHoo! I just got the go ahead! Work is giving me a leave of absence, so I don't need to quit and worry about what I'm going to be doing for a living when I get done!

I love it when a plan comes together!

Thanks everyone who responded to this thread!

Now the real planning starts....
Cool, so when are you starting? It looks like I will be starting mid March 2010.

[guySmiley]

The current plan (which is hardly fully fleshed out) is mid April. March sounds really early from everything that I've read. Are you going to hitch back to ADZPCTKO, or skip it altogether?

[attroll]

The current plan (which is hardly fully fleshed out) is mid April. March sounds really early from everything that I've read. Are you going to hitch back to ADZPCTKO, or skip it altogether?
What is this suppose to mean "Are you going to hitch back to ADZPCTKO, or skip it altogether?"?

[guySmiley]

Annual Day Zero Pacific Crest Trail Kick Off. Like a low key Trail Days but pretty much just for the thru hikers. It's usually the last weekend in April and is held at the Lake Morena campground. Some people skip going to it, most don't from what I gather. If you're starting in mid March I'm guessing that you'll be a couple of hundred miles up the trail by the time it's going on.