I have a 500 series Singer from the 50's. Works like a camp. It has something like 50 different stitches. I think I have used forward and reverse. Really that's all you need. Zig-Zag is just helpful sometimes, although I haven't used one lately.
Is that too much to ask? Girls with frikkin' lasers on their heads?
The hanger formly known as "hammock engineer".