Hilarious post! I can't believe that I missed this until now!
A hearty, warm welcome from Florida!
I thought it was just oldgringo, but evidently everyone in Oklahoma has a great sense of humor!
Keep at it Avalonmorn, with a different hammock and after reading up on suspension systems (there's even a sub-forum for them). And don't hesitate to post any question on the forums. This is a great bunch of people that are eager to help you up off the ground!