True story that happened to me in the basment of my Girlfriends house last night:
I got up in the middle of the night to go pee. Rousing from my near-catatonic state was difficult, being so comfortably wrapped in the loving embrace of my hammock and Down quilts.
With my sleep-hazy eyes I lumbered towards the bathroom and WHAM slammed my knee into the STEEL column that is placed in the middle of the floor.
My eyes watered.
My teeth held back a snarl of insults and verbage that would have made a salior blush.
My knee flared with such pain I thought I would never walk upright again.
As I limped on towards the bathroom, my bladder informed me that this diversion of attention away from the necessary muscle control to keep the urin inside as an opportunity it would not miss; the immediate need to get to the backroom forced me into a near trot. Imagine if you will a bipedal creature, snarling at obstructions in his way, running with one leg, the other a deformed mess trailing along behind like a cow on his way to the butcher.
As i crash through the bathroom door, I am in a panic. My eyes wide with pain, and panic I lock my vision on the bathroom light switch, sweet release is only seconds away.
In the darkness that only a basement at 3 o'clock in the morning can allow, I am withered by the intensity that the bathroom light now blazes in the tiny, once opaque gloom. My vision was already watery, I now feel my eyeballs melt under this new assault to my person.
In a small corner of my mind, I wonder if Lois will believe me when I tell her that one of the dogs must have peed on the floor, if I don't make it the last 3 feet.
Blind, dumbfounded, and lame I feel my way towards the toilet. I pull down my underwear, and start the sitting process that will bring sweet-liquid relief to my suffering.
There was a splash, but not one I was expecting.
The seat was up.
As I made my way whimpering back to the hammock, I can only think of the bliss and oblivion that sleep will bring. I sit down, only to realize much too late that I wasn't entering the hammock properly.
It is odd how time slows down in these seconds of gravity induced free-fall.
I crash to the floor, my back getting impaled on the small cooler that is acting like my table. The laptop beeped at me indignantly, for waking it out of its slumber.
How rude I thought.
The dog twisted his head in the same way that RCA dog did. His eyes conveyed one simple message: "That looked like that hurt."
As I lay there on my back, legs twisted in the hammock, gasping to regain the wind that had been knocked out of me, I had two similtanious thoughts;
Yin and Yang could never have made itself more obvious.
(1) That hurt. I wonder what I broke. I should have never got out of bed. I wonder if I will still be able to goto work.
(2) I wish I had that on camera!