Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Senior Member timabababaluka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Clovis, CA
    Hammock
    DIY gathered end
    Tarp
    9x10 tyvek
    Insulation
    ww blue ccf pad
    Suspension
    whoopies & toggles
    Posts
    1,028
    Images
    11

    A Halloween Tale

    So, I got tired of looking at the frayed edges of my DIY gathered end hammock, and figured “What the heck? Might as well pull out the Missus’ sewing machine and give the hammock that rolled hem I was too impatient and lazy to complete.” Or, rather, start. I’ve taken on sewing projects in high school, and have done a rolled hem or two with denim. It’s like riding a bike, right? So, naturally, I had that eager confidence of one who knows the waters, and jumps in head first.

    Unlike me, the Missus was unhappy because (a) I was “playing around” with her beloved sewing machine, and (b) she felt that watching me “pretend to sew” was a dull way to spend a Saturday night. So I said, “I have touched several sewing machines, none of which have burst into flames because of the encounter, and since you are planning on taking a shower tonight anyhow, I will have finished my sewing, and be asleep because it will be early Sunday morning by the time you even begin to dry your hair” (the Missus takes notoriously long showers, and the routine afterward (whatever that may be) takes even longer—the longest shower to date: just over three years). Looking back, I suppose I was a bit snide in my response, but I found her lack of faith annoying.

    Her response, which I feared would be swift and violent, surprised me—she laughed. Now, my Missus’ laugh is like a chorus of angels. It’s pure like the ringing of crystal, and neighboring birds perch around her just to hear what music in its most unadulterated form should sound like. This was not that laugh. It was a mirthless sound with a hint of foreboding prophecy about it, and as she headed to the back of the house to take what might be a week long shower, she simply said, “Don’t wait up when you finish, Honey.” There was something ironic about her tone. I marked it.

    The sewing went poorly right from the start. The polyester liner had a mind of its own, and my “rolled” hem did its best to unroll, and often wouldn’t even allow my expert fingers to roll it in the first place. Things got pinched, pleated, and I’ve seen switchbacks that were straighter than my stitches. Some dark, malicious force was hedging my every step. It wasn’t until I was halfway through my second side and heard the hairdryer start up in the back room that I started to suspect the Missus as the source of this insidious force. When I started the third side and the Missus emerged from the back rooms clean, shaved, and dry of hair to say, “Wow! How many of those things are you making?” there was no doubt left in my mind—somehow she had known all along that this would happen. With what malignant forces she had aligned herself to cause it to be is anybody’s guess.

    In the wee hours of Sunday morning, after finishing my crippled hems and quietly preparing for bed (so as not to wake the Missus), I found it difficult to sleep. What was I sleeping next to? Would I survive the night? If I did, what would I wake up to find—my beautiful wife or this dark priestess of prophecy? Would the children be safe? I still don’t have the answers.

    So if this should be my last post, remember me, and tell my tale on All Hallows’ Eve as you hang around your campfires—the tale of a man who foolishly tampered with forces beyond his reckoning. Sew let it be written, sew let it be done…
    You're gonna need a bigger hammock

  2. #2
    New Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Lakewood, CO
    Posts
    7
    Images
    2
    I was very entertained by your story, it had just enough humor to keep me interested (and pulled out of lurking to comment). Thanks

  3. #3
    dejoha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Flagstaff, AZ
    Hammock
    Most
    Tarp
    GoLite Poncho Tarp
    Insulation
    Phoenix, Burrow
    Suspension
    Whoopie Hook
    Posts
    2,243
    Images
    207
    Very nice prose. Well done.

  4. #4
    Senior Member creativeKayt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Hammock
    Ask me tomorrow
    Tarp
    Old Blue
    Insulation
    DIY, HG Incubator
    Suspension
    Agnostic
    Posts
    1,133
    Images
    1
    Nice...... It's a good tale for gatherin' 'round the bush buddy.
    ... or mini atomic.
    ... or trangia.
    ... or caldera keg.
    ... or vargo.
    ... or MSR whisperlite.
    ... or <insert stove of your choice here>.

  5. #5
    Senior Member timabababaluka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Clovis, CA
    Hammock
    DIY gathered end
    Tarp
    9x10 tyvek
    Insulation
    ww blue ccf pad
    Suspension
    whoopies &amp; toggles
    Posts
    1,028
    Images
    11
    Quote Originally Posted by newhanger View Post
    I was very entertained by your story, it had just enough humor to keep me interested (and pulled out of lurking to comment). Thanks
    Pulled out of lurking? I tend to push people back into it . Awesome!

    Welcome to HF, by the way! Make sure to introduce yourself to the forum on the introductions page. You're sure to get a heartfelt welcome from some wonderful folk.

    Quote Originally Posted by creativeKayt View Post
    Nice...... It's a good tale for gatherin' 'round the bush buddy.
    ... or mini atomic.
    ... or trangia.
    ... or caldera keg.
    ... or vargo.
    ... or MSR whisperlite.
    ... or <insert stove of your choice here>.
    I've been contemplating attempting a DIY soda can alcohol rig, but the difficulties involved in moving to a new home that hasn't been gutted out by fire (as well as the difficulties involved with growing my eyebrows back) has kept me from fully embracing the idea as of yet.
    You're gonna need a bigger hammock

  6. #6
    Senior Member Busky2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    PENN'S WOODS
    Hammock
    Hennessey Safari
    Tarp
    Vertex by Clark
    Insulation
    DOWN &amp; lots of it
    Suspension
    arrowhead's setup
    Posts
    264
    Images
    56
    "wake up to find—my beautiful wife or dark priestess of prophecy" 50/50 you pick'em I think you are doing OK since you made it through the night

  7. #7
    Senior Member JohnSawyer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Hammock
    WB RidgeRunner
    Tarp
    8x10 DIY (speer)
    Insulation
    KAQ Lost River
    Suspension
    Straps
    Posts
    4,696
    Images
    108
    Lol, nice...

    Since the missus recently delivered the youngest of your clan, you may find yourself with both your beautiful wife and this dark priestess of prophecy in the same hour...

    We'll pray for your survival, though it may be a futile effort. If your corpse is found, bound with mule tape, blugeoned by a sewing machine, we'll know what happened...
    "Do or do not, there is no try." -- Yoda


  8. #8
    Senior Member ewok's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Georgia
    Hammock
    HH Expedition
    Tarp
    BMJ
    Insulation
    SuperShelter
    Suspension
    Whoopies
    Posts
    138
    Images
    4
    I've been contemplating attempting a DIY soda can alcohol rig, but the difficulties involved in moving to a new home that hasn't been gutted out by fire (as well as the difficulties involved with growing my eyebrows back) has kept me from fully embracing the idea as of yet. [/QUOTE]


    I've only had one actually blow up on me. I didn't need to regrow any eyebrows (it was leg hair) and the shed survived pretty much in tact. I think I looked like Forrest Gump dancing that night.
    If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

  9. #9
    Senior Member timabababaluka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Clovis, CA
    Hammock
    DIY gathered end
    Tarp
    9x10 tyvek
    Insulation
    ww blue ccf pad
    Suspension
    whoopies &amp; toggles
    Posts
    1,028
    Images
    11
    Quote Originally Posted by JohnSawyer View Post
    Since the missus recently delivered the youngest of your clan, you may find yourself with both your beautiful wife and this dark priestess of prophecy in the same hour...

    We'll pray for your survival, though it may be a futile effort. If your corpse is found, bound with mule tape, blugeoned by a sewing machine, we'll know what happened...
    Quote Originally Posted by Busky2 View Post
    "wake up to find—my beautiful wife or dark priestess of prophecy" 50/50 you pick'em I think you are doing OK since you made it through the night
    You all are right, of course . I give the Missus a hard time, which really isn't fair considering the amount of nonsense she puts up with on a regular basis (but becoming a mule-tape-bound, sewing-machine-bludgeoned corpse is always a threat that looms somewhere on the horizon (make sure the police find this thread)).

    Quote Originally Posted by ewok View Post
    I've only had one actually blow up on me....I think I looked like Forrest Gump dancing that night.
    lol ! Forrest Gump dancing would only improve my meager rhythmic repertoire. What I'm trying to avoid is the high-pitched screams my children will hear as they watch their daddy running around in circles (in spite of them constantly yelling for me to "stop, drop, and roll").
    You're gonna need a bigger hammock

Similar Threads

  1. A tale of two quilts
    By Mr. Jowee in forum Bottom Insulation
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 09-16-2014, 19:20
  2. A tale of Two Top Quilts (Long & Pic Heavy!)
    By sunkmail in forum Do-It-Yourself (DIY)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 07-18-2014, 11:56
  3. The Tale of the Thieving Boyfriend
    By thejennabird in forum General Hammock Talk
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 08-18-2011, 06:45

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •