would you ever let your Wife or girlfriend go out by herself?

**FLRider** · 09-07-2011, 10:55

I missed the part where you mentioned that your significant other was no longer able to do the things he wants to, CM. That makes things rougher, but--as I'm sure you've already run across--it is going to flavor every part of your life rather than just this one.

The questions you have to ask yourself seem to be simple:

1.) "Do I (CM) have the skills needed to care for myself should something go wrong within reasonable bounds while on a solo hike?"

and

2.) "How much of this fear about my activities is regret over no longer being able to do them with me and how much is real care for my well-being?"

The answer to the first should help determine the answer to the second. If you have the basic skills needed (and it seems you do, from your posts), then I think--and I don't intend to speak for anyone else here--that you should probably have a long talk about the answers to the second question.

Your significant other obviously cares about you; I doubt you'd've stuck around otherwise. However, there is a point where caring about someone else becomes a self-indulgent pastime that neither of you can afford. When fear of failing to protect the person you care about becomes more important than their needs to you, you need to reassess your actions and emotions. As with all things in life, though, it does need to be weighed against the rest of what's going on.

Maybe I'm off-base here, and please feel free to tell me where to shove it if I am. But it does seem as if it might be a worthwhile conversation to have between the two of you. It isn't going to be an easy one, but I think it might be worth it.

**Ramblinrev** · 09-07-2011, 11:12

Originally Posted by CrackMunk

and maybe some advise as to help elevate some fears.

The first time I let it pass. Not to be a word nazi but I think you mean "alleviate". To elevate is to raise or heighten. Alleviate means to lessen or eliminate.

Just a reality check.

**Les Rust** · 09-07-2011, 12:01

I need a good bit of silence and solitude in my life and I find it by going solo in the woods frequently. I've got a couple of health issues, but as long as I'm blessed and able to walk, then I'm going to try to be out there.
I don't carry a Spot or such device. I have carried a HAM radio on longer trips. I usually call or text my wife as soon as I am out of the woods with the message: "Out of the woods--back in danger." Statistically, I'm much more likely to be injured on the way to and from the trail than on it. On the trail I am much more likely to have my bad knee or bad back flair up than anything involving wildlife or weather. I always text my route and schedule to my wife so that she has it on her phone in the event of any emergency. She knows that a few hours of being late would be enough to seek help.
I have backpacked with my daughter and I would trust her to be on her own in the woods. She's traveled a good bit and pretty much knows how to use her wits. I would go over a good check list with her before the trip, and I would be praying while she was gone, but she's certainly free to get out there and enjoy the same things that bring me such joy.
My wife is not all that fond of the outdoors. When we were vacationing in Hawaii near Volcanoes National Park I told her I wanted to go and hike the Kiluea Iki crater--she told me she thought she could get close to the same experience on the parking lot at Walmart in the summer time. She went to the quilt shop and I went down the crater. It works for us. She has plenty of activities that she does without my "permission" and she is understanding and gracious about my need to be out in the woods.
I hope CM that you and your husband find a good arrangement that allows you to enjoy the solitude you need and gives him the sense of security that it sounds like he may be seeking.

**CrackMunk** · 09-07-2011, 12:40

Originally Posted by Ramblinrev

The first time I let it pass. Not to be a word nazi but I think you mean "alleviate". To elevate is to raise or heighten. Alleviate means to lessen or eliminate.

Just a reality check.

Word Nazi! JK and yes again I missed the word But that was the spell check and my own inablily to spell

I can just hear the Nuns cracking the rulers

**LisaJ5227** · 09-07-2011, 15:53

I just got home from a hiking trip where I spent 3 weeks hiking various trails in North Carolina. Leaving in a few days for Michigan for about a week, and I have a very sexy husband that keeps the fire burning until I get back home. I have always been a bit of a gypsy and my father was too. It keeps me in shape and my marriage is fantastic besides I am a redhead whos going to tell me no

**nu2hike** · 09-07-2011, 16:50

As a woman I have spent my entire life keeping myself "safe". Women always have to maintain a level of awareness greater than that shared my our male counterparts! Regardless of if I'm shopping in the city, hiking alone on a trail or walking my dog in my own neighborhood, I am constantly monitoring my surroundings! It has become second nature!
As for going "solo" vs having a companion it all depends on your companion! If the person you're with isn't a knowlegable or capable person then they will prove to be little or no use to you in the event of an accident! As for "safety in numbers" what would that number be? Anything can happen to anyone at any given time! When I hike I accept that risk, just as I do whenever I step out of my house!
Don't "let" someone elses fears dictate how you live your life! Respect that he cares, reassure him of the fact that you're a competent,capable woman and just go!

**mountaingoat** · 09-07-2011, 17:07

Originally Posted by LisaJ5227

I just got home from a hiking trip where I spent 3 weeks hiking various trails in North Carolina. Leaving in a few days for Michigan for about a week, and I have a very sexy husband that keeps the fire burning until I get back home. I have always been a bit of a gypsy and my father was too. It keeps me in shape and my marriage is fantastic besides I am a redhead whos going to tell me no

Love it

**LisaJ5227** · 09-07-2011, 17:14

"Don't "let" someone elses fears dictate how you live your life! Respect that he cares, reassure him of the fact that you're a competent,capable woman and just go"

AMEN Sister!

**SunshineHiker** · 09-07-2011, 17:26

As the girl of my duo and the one who wants to/can go out more, I am faced with this dilemma constantly. I could go out on my own and never feel in any danger, but frankly I don't WANT to go out on my own at all. I would go on even just an overnighter once amonth but I never have anyone to go with and all the people I know who backpack are much faster hikers than me. I still don't know the solution.

**CrackMunk** · 09-07-2011, 17:46

Originally Posted by SunshineHiker

As the girl of my duo and the one who wants to/can go out more, I am faced with this dilemma constantly. I could go out on my own and never feel in any danger, but frankly I don't WANT to go out on my own at all. I would go on even just an overnighter once amonth but I never have anyone to go with and all the people I know who backpack are much faster hikers than me. I still don't know the solution.

meetups.com http://www.meetup.com/ is a great place and you can do your own hikes and meet new friends with the same interest, I love it.

I like going out sometimes by myself, but its not for everyone. I haven't done a solo overnight. but It's something I want to try. who knows I might like or not. The only thing I don't like doing by myself is eating out.