Yep, you read right.
I'm an idiot.
I ordered up another tarp.
This one is a 12x10 rectangular, cat-cut tarp from Outdoor Equipment Supplier (aka MacCat, aka Brian McMillin).
It's got 4 tie-outs per side. No other fancy tricks. But it's superbly stitched, and Brian was very accomodating.
The only way I could be happier is if it came in brown or green.
Maybe one day.