So I have this, um friend, that's seriously thinking he'd like to attempt to do a long through hike, (probably the PCT) but he's VERY unsure about how to break it to his fiance that he wants to do this thing in way that she might allow it to happen.
Does anyone have advice for me... I mean... my friend?
Tell her straight up... She is going to find out anyway.
well warn your friend if he does his he will never be through hiking. Only biding time until his next thru hike. Didn't fully understand that until recently. Once you get a taste for it and the feeling. No day or week hike will ever come close to it. It's a very good thing, but something I thought I would pass along.
Best option is have your friend invite her along. If they can make it through that they will make it through anything.
Second best have him talk to it how important it is to him. Have him let her know that she will always be important and this is not a way to get away from her. One thing to remember is that when he goes on a 6 month vacation to do some great things, she will still be in the daily grind doing the normal things. Only sans him. He needs to take that into account. Not a show stopper, just need to realize it effects her a lot.
Have him get her on a couple hikes. Get her involved with the planning and support from home in mail drops. A lot of those to be had. When she see's the joy hiking brings him, she should ge the picture.
I was dating a girl for an extended time when I started my AT hike planning. I was lucky and she understood this was something that I had to do.
Is that too much to ask? Girls with frikkin' lasers on their heads?
The hanger formly known as "hammock engineer".
Same way you...errr, your friend should break it to family; honestly and with a request for help. If you can make them involved in your journey it helps them get excited. Humans like to be depended on (even those that claim otherwise; like me) and if you make them (her) involved with your trip, they feel value.
I learned this very early on and it's funny because the folks I involved in the planning and logistics got almost as excited as I was about the hike. To the point that they were reading the books and sending me emails about "Be sure you go to such and such town, I hear they have a great Mexican restaurant".
Keeping them involved is even more important. It's easy for the ones left behind to feel exactly that, "left behind". Schedule a few days to meet them at some point on your hike; they love that! Have them send you mail drops (even if you don't need them). It gives them the opportunity to be involved and if you're really lucky...they'll send Twinkies in your drops. Yummm.
Trust nobody!
Originally Posted by Cannibal
Same way you...errr, your friend should break it to family; honestly and with a request for help. If you can make them involved in your journey it helps them get excited. Humans like to be depended on (even those that claim otherwise; like me) and if you make them (her) involved with your trip, they feel value.
I learned this very early on and it's funny because the folks I involved in the planning and logistics got almost as excited as I was about the hike. To the point that they were reading the books and sending me emails about "Be sure you go to such and such town, I hear they have a great Mexican restaurant".
Keeping them involved is even more important. It's easy for the ones left behind to feel exactly that, "left behind". Schedule a few days to meet them at some point on your hike; they love that! Have them send you mail drops (even if you don't need them). It gives them the opportunity to be involved and if you're really lucky...they'll send Twinkies in your drops. Yummm.
Yeah my parents joined me over Thanks Giving. One of my favorite memories of the trail. Everyone loved the Trail Journal and helping me with packages from home when needed.
Just have sure they realize you have to eat or carry everything they sent. The care packages get really heavy really fast.
Is that too much to ask? Girls with frikkin' lasers on their heads?
The hanger formly known as "hammock engineer".
Just tell her you ARE going...remember, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission!
Seriously? I have some advice concerning the above. Controlling your life before you're even married? Think long and hard about that one.
Unless, of course, that was tongue-in-cheek. In which case, nothing to see here.
OK, I'm going to drop the my friend pretense, I can see that the joke'll get old after a while.
I wasn't at all thinking of being dishonest about it. Just about the way to initially bring it up. Also what honest way is most likely to bring the desired response?
Has anyone gotten a distinctly negative response from a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend?
This occurs to me because I was watching a youTube video about the PCT yesterday, and one hiker was talking about he was having the time of his despite having to give his dogs away, his wife divorcing him and his house being foreclosed on.
I want to do this, but I don't want to be in that guys situation.
She's been my fiance for about 15 years. She's earned the right to exercise some control.
It was meant a little tongue in cheek though.
15 years?! She will/should understand your desires if that is the case. She should also be secure enough in your relationship to be open to the discussion. Honestly, she'll probably enjoy the downtime for a little while.
Go get one of the PCT videos and watch it with her. Tell her it's something that you would really like to do and you'd like her blessings. Forget the 'beg forgiveness' bit; that don't work so good on the ladies.
Trust nobody!
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks