TRADED: Your Joke for my new Sawyer Mini

[halfastronomical]

Somebody did this joke thing last year and I got a kick out of it, so here we go again!

Tell your best joke and if you are the funniest, then you get a new sawyer mini. It should be pretty easy. Contest will be judged by my crazy family on Christmas evening. Hammock and Camping jokes will be somewhat weighted, but belly laughs trump all. Cut off will be 12 pm central on Christmas Day. Have fun and be blessed!

[Mumbles]

I'll start: that package that I'm sending your way has a Christmas surprise...his name is Mr. Hankey. Enjoy!

[Tophat]

A Priest, a Rabbi and a farmer's daughter walks into a bar...The bartender says "What, is this some sort of a joke?". I'm sorry, I tried (at least this time I kept it clean).

[sdf]

Two frogs sitting on a lily pad when a fly came buzzing by. One frog put out his tongue, ate the fly, and started laughing. Soon the other frog joined in the laughter.

Then the other frog ate a fly and the two frogs burst out in laughter. As time went on, the frogs enjoyed the flies so much they nearly fell off their lily pad laughing.

A third frog hopped up to the first two and asked what was so funny. The first frog answered 'Time.'
'Huh?' asked the third frog.
The second frog explained: "Time's fun when your having flies."

[Dead Man]

Three traveling salesmen are caught in a storm in the country. They go to the farmhouse nearby and ask the farmer if they can stay in his house. "Ya can't stay in the house cause I got a daughter but you can stay in the barn, but you'll have to sleep with Junior." "Who's Junior?, they ask. "He's my boy. He's 6'9" 280 and mean as a snake. He hates being staired at cause he ain't got no ears." The salesmen didn't care they just needed a place to hang their hammocks.
So they get in the barn and sure enough there's Junior and he ain't got an ear on his head. The first guy starts looking, looking turns to stareing and stareing gets him into trouble cause Junior snatches him up and yells, "Whatcha lookin at!" He says, "Your teeth, you got beautiful teeth, you need to take care of your teeth, cause I ain't got any." The guy pulls out his false teeth and he's a toothless wonder. "Fine!" Junior said and throws the guy at his hammock.
The second guy saw what happened to the first guy but he couldn't help himself and he starts looking, looking turns to stareing, stareing gets him in trouble cause Junior snatches him up and yells, "Whatcha lookin at!" He says, "Your hair, you got beautiful hair, you need to take care of your hair, cause I ain't got any." The guy pulls off his toupee and he's bald as a cue ball. "Fine!" Junior said and throws the guy at his hammock.
The last guy saw what happened to the other two but he can't help himself and he starts looking, looking turns to stareing and stareing gets him into trouble cause Junior snatches him up and yells, "Whatcha lookin at!" He says, "Your eyes, you got beautiful eyes, you need to take care of your eyes, cause you sure can't wear no glasses."

[Short White Guy]

Mahatma Ghandi was a great man, but not without his challenges:
1) I'm sure he became quite fragile from all of the hunger strikes he went on as part of his activism
2) Those hunger strikes probably also left him with some pretty bad breath, yet he was still very well respected
3) He walked everywhere so he must have got some nasty callouses on his feet

Yet despite being a super-calloused, fragile mystic hexed with halitosis, he accomplished many great things in his life.

[Fronkey]

This isn't necessarily a joke, but something that happened to me when I worked for Princess Cruises.

While working on cruise ships I had to deal with a lot of passengers who asked stupid questions. For example - Do the stairs go up and down? Is the water in the toilets fresh or salt? Do we live on the ship?

One time when a passenger asked if I lived on the ship I responded with, "No ma'am. In fact a fleet of helicopters flies us in everyday." She said how great it was that the cruise line would do that for us and went on her way. The next day I got called into the PSD's (Big boss dude on ships) office asking to talk to me. I went into his office and he looked furious. He asks me, "Did you tell a passenger that a fleet of helicopters flies us in everyday?" I (terrified I would be fired btw) responded "uhhhh yes. Am I going go to be fired? It was just a joke. I'm so sorry."

He says, "I just wanted to let you know that the passenger complained this morning that the helicopters woke her up."

Fronkey

[Overgrown]

A man and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table, which is next to the window. The man's name is Rudolph, and since he is Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red." Rudolph looked out the window and said to his wife, "Oh look honey, it's raining outside." She looks out as well and says, "No, I think that is snow." He looks at her and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain dear."

[Wlb007]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a poo in the woods.

The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks "do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur?

The rabbit glares up at the bear and says "no...."

So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt with him.

[scooterdogma]

Dear Gunter and Bungie, yes, this is a family forum. Yes, there are plenty of women and gays on this forum. And, yes, we all get along. I see you are both new posters, welcome. So in the spirit of the Holiday Season, please stay on the right side of the "Naughty and Nice List". Happy Holiday, of your choice, Scooter