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  1. #1
    New Member Smiley's Avatar
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    Funny Hammock stories

    Thought we could use some laughs at others expense, or even our own expense. So here it goes.

    Last summer I was meeting up at a Mt Collins shelter with a buddy after a few nights haning in the smokies. We set up a hammock after dinner for a nap. We sat around the fire and met the group with a late couple who just made it in at dusk from Cali. This was thier first trip and were doing the whole Smokies, they rented all thier gear (purchased all thier food from the place also) and were struggling. So with a pretty full shelter with 2 old guys that were buddies who each slept on the bottom at either end sawing logs all night long (loud enough to scare away a bear). Well the sleepy cali couple could not sleep due to the snoring and decided it was a good idea to go sleep outside. So the girlfriend slept in the hammock and he put is pad on the ground below her. Well there had been various bear warnings at this shelter so they were scared. So the cali boyfriend decided that he was going to be ready if a bear comes up. So he duct taped a 4 inch bladed knife to his hand. When we asked him what would have happened if he had an itch in his sleep, he said "oh I really didn't think about it. I just wanted to be ready for a bear." Obviously it does not take much imagination to why this would be a bad idea. But we teased the poor guy a bit around the breakfast fire.

    Whats your stories!

  2. #2
    New Member Smiley's Avatar
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    what no stories? ttt

  3. #3
    Senior Member sir White Wolf's Avatar
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    Lesson learned:

    When in a hurry to get out of the rain and into a Jungle Hammock style hammock, Make sure the laying area is not folded up.
    If it is and you flip over and land suspended in mid air by the bug netting Freeze! do not struggle!
    Slowly find the opening and roll out on to the ground and yell Taa Daa !
    And when you upright your self tell every one you were testing out the tensile strength of bug netting

  4. #4
    New Member STonED's Avatar
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    last summer i woke up in the middle of the night because i was felling cold air on my face ... so then i opened my eyes and it took me 2-3 sec to realize that the hammock was upside down and i was sleeping suspended by the mosquito net i then carefully struggle to turn the hammock back to normal ... i was lucky ... nobody saw me

    another one ...

    my friend had brought his dog with us . the dog slept underneath him all night .
    i woke up before him . while taking my breakfast i saw him woke up ... so did his dog .. he then jumped in the hammock and down they go ! my friend was stuck in his sleeping bag on the ground with the dog licking him all over

  5. #5
    Senior Member Cannibal's Avatar
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    My yard in Florida was like a wildlife sanctuary. You've heard about the raccoon, but how many remember about the squirrel?

    One morning when I was still a new hanger, I woke-up in my hammock next to the house to the sound of a dog barking after taking helium shots. I opened my eyes and directly above me was a squirrel standing on my ridgeline with his (yes, I know for sure it was "his"; perverted little bugger) little claws digging into my netting and 'barking' at me! I didn't know if I should be amused or mad, so I decided to tip the scale towards 'amusement'. I slowly reached up a foot, or two, behind the mad squirrel and pinched the ridgeline between my fingers. As I gradually drew the ridgeline down like a stealthy bow hunter, the barking rose in pitch (like he knew what was coming). When I reached the point that I could no longer pull the ridgeline any lower, I let go.

    With a mighty "thwang!" my little furry alarm clock went sailing through the air about 15' or 20'. Landed on the ground, shot me a wicked dirty look, and took off into the wooded lot next to my house.

    I spent the next week laughing everytime I thought about it. At least I've now seen a flying squirrel, well, sort of.
    Trust nobody!

  6. #6
    Member Alter Id's Avatar
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    Along the lines of Sir White Wolf's lesson learned, When out in a snow storm, make sure your tarp is pitched at a steep angle. It's a little embarrassing to be trapped between your tarp and hammock because the weight of new snow has buried your tarp edges.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Perkolady's Avatar
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    If you're in transition from a tent to hammocking, and you wake up in the wee hours to water the leaves, remember you have your hammock this time, so you don't end up unzipping that tent door that you thought was yours!


  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cannibal View Post
    My yard in Florida was like a wildlife sanctuary. You've heard about the raccoon, but how many remember about the squirrel?

    One morning when I was still a new hanger, I woke-up in my hammock next to the house to the sound of a dog barking after taking helium shots. I opened my eyes and directly above me was a squirrel standing on my ridgeline with his (yes, I know for sure it was "his"; perverted little bugger) little claws digging into my netting and 'barking' at me! I didn't know if I should be amused or mad, so I decided to tip the scale towards 'amusement'. I slowly reached up a foot, or two, behind the mad squirrel and pinched the ridgeline between my fingers. As I gradually drew the ridgeline down like a stealthy bow hunter, the barking rose in pitch (like he knew what was coming). When I reached the point that I could no longer pull the ridgeline any lower, I let go.

    With a mighty "thwang!" my little furry alarm clock went sailing through the air about 15' or 20'. Landed on the ground, shot me a wicked dirty look, and took off into the wooded lot next to my house.

    I spent the next week laughing everytime I thought about it. At least I've now seen a flying squirrel, well, sort of.
    Now that's a funny story!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Cannibal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Narwhalin View Post
    Now that's a funny story!
    Not for the squirrel!
    Trust nobody!

  10. #10
    New Member Smiley's Avatar
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    Some great stories.... Here is another one from the first night out with my hammock ever.

    Out again in the smokies after work one evening, I rolled into campsite 24 and ended up getting there at dusk. With no time to make a good fire and no real good trees left in the only site left unoccupied. I decided to pitch my hammock after trying to get a quick fire going. Well got frustrated with my damp fire and decided to get my hang on. Well all the good trees seemed to big or to small or to far away from one another. Finally I settled on 2 stretched out trees and one very large tree. Well I ended up only having 2 inches to tie my webbing around the big tree. I tied it and slowly weighed my hammock and it held (sweet!) layed back and snap and droppped to the ground. Headlamp went flyin off my head when I smacked on the ground. Back to step one hanging the hammock. THis time set it up better on the same two trees (stretched out to the very last inch) With it set back up I again gently weighed my hammock, this time I was not centered, and as I sat down I spun heals over head in my skeeter netting and tore two skeeter netting attachments. It must have look really funny with my headlamp spinning around and ending up suspended with my face look 2 inches from the ground.... then pop and it let go agian and I crashed to the ground. Finally 3rd time was a charm and I worked great!!! enjoyed the great firefly show... Learned alot that night,,, Duct taped my skeeter netting and have been bomer ever since.

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